Holding silence in connection can be difficult. It is not easy to encounter silence from others, nor is it easy to notice it within ourselves when there is no energy or desire to enter into a dialogue.

Why does silence cause discomfort?

• The constant flow of information and the habit of being stimulated make silence feel unfamiliar. It is perceived as a void that needs to be filled

• Negative past experiences, where silence was used as an instrument of power or pressure

• In many cultures, extraversion is perceived as more socially approved (a sign of communication skills, confidence, and success). Silence, on the other hand, is seen as passivity, inaction, or giving up control to another

• This often gives rise to inner demands to measure up to this standard (to keep the conversation going, to be socially active and engaging)

• And if it doesn't work out, self-criticism and anxiety emerge

Silence is a way of making contact

In therapy, this is quite a significant indicator.

“Silence is never silent” (I. Yalom).

Within this silence, a person:

• responds

• enters into a relationship

• influences others

  
  

Silence is a part of interpersonal behavior, reflecting a person's way of being with others.

Silence in group therapy

In a group, an environment that recreates a social microcosm, the silence that manifests is explored as a living process:

• is there an impulse to speak; what happens at the moment of holding back; what is the person responding to

• is there an internal dialogue

• distinguishing whether this is a choice or an automatic reaction

• expanding the ways of making contact

  
  

The core question: “What is happening within me right now, when I am silent?”

And there are many possibilities, for example:

• strong emotions, feeling frozen

• self-regulation

• observation and processing

• reaction to the group's atmosphere

• fear of showing up, of taking up space

• resistance and avoidance

• distancing

• an attempt to control

• a struggle for power

  
  

Silence does not only affect the person who is silent. It triggers processes in other group members as well:

• interpretations and fantasies (“they are cold,” “arrogant,” “dangerous,” “disinterested”)

• emotions and reactions

And this also becomes a part of the therapeutic work and vital feedback.

Silence can wear many different faces. And it doesn't always need to be rushed to be filled. Sometimes, it is enough to simply pause and notice: what is happening with me right now, when I choose not to speak.