Shame is often thought of as something situational. You did something inappropriate, you were noticed — and you felt shame. And at all other times, it is as if shame doesn't exist. But in reality, this is far from the truth.

Shame is one of the fundamental and "background" emotions. It is the very character of our self-awareness, which stems from the fact that we, in essence, always live "in full view." Even if there is physically no one around, an internal Other continues to be present within — a gaze that notices our imperfections and vulnerability, responding unflatteringly to what it sees.

You can be alone in a room and suddenly catch yourself wanting to hide something: a thought, a feeling, an intention. As if there is someone before whom this is "forbidden." And that someone — is also you. In shame, we seem to split into the shamer and the shamed, into the gaze and the object of our own gaze.

Therefore, shame is not about a specific situation. Shame is, in many ways, a way of looking at oneself, which sometimes becomes the primary and only one.

Shame is capable of deeply permeating human life. It becomes a mechanism of self-limitation, in which a person seemingly turns away from themselves, narrowing the space of their own life and possibilities.

Among other things, shame blocks other feelings: a person becomes ashamed of their own anger, fear, envy, jealousy, pain, desire, or even joy. The feelings themselves do not disappear — they continue to affect us. Moreover, shame overlays difficult experiences with an additional weight, making them even less bearable and even more isolating.

Shame greatly hinders intimacy, because intimacy is inevitably linked to the risk of being seen in one's vulnerability. It prevents us from expressing ourselves directly and confidently, including in conflict. It does not allow us to take our rightful place in a professional environment — a person seemingly diminishes themselves in advance, shrinking their own presence, significance, and right to speak and show up. Shame complicates any choice: the more of it there is, the harder it is to lean on one's own desires and meanings, rather than on assumed judgment. It blocks spontaneity, play, creativity, and curiosity — things that often bring us to where growth becomes possible.

Therefore, working with shame is largely about returning to a person the space of their own life. A space in which it becomes possible to meet oneself, other people, and the world more fully.

On August 3 at 18:00, the online therapy group "Shame: What Prevents Us from Being Ourselves" begins. How to join?