From every corner of the internet the message now rings out: “Love yourself!”, “Live as you want!”, “Be happy!”, “Everything is in your hands!” In the modern world a person constantly hears that they should not blame or criticize themselves, that they must treat themselves with love and respect, approach their own life consciously, accept themselves and their emotions — cry when sad, laugh when funny. And indeed, openness, acceptance, and congruence between inner and outer life can, in theory, improve our lives — at least make them more honest and simpler.

But, as with everything in the information space, good ideas eventually shrink into short, exhaustive commands. A blogger inserts between visual effects: to love yourself, you just need to love yourself. It’s simple — many hours of psychotherapy cannot compare with this toolkit.

There is, however, one catch. If I buy sweets for my inner child, that does not always mean I love them. Sometimes children are given sweets simply to make them be quiet. And then the questions arise: but where is the love? So I’m doing everything wrong. I need to love myself better. I need to try harder.

The constant broadcasting of such imperatives leads to the message “Love yourself” having exactly the same impact as “Behave properly.” In both cases there is an obligation imposed on me by society. In the new era I am obliged to love myself — I must feel compassion for myself and accept myself. People sometimes say: “I need to treat myself better / I need to love myself more.” As if love were a skill to be acquired: the harder you try, the better the result. The only nuance is that you cannot force affection. Not even toward yourself.

I am not obliged to love myself.
I am not obliged not to blame myself.
I am not obliged not to criticize myself.
I am not obliged to show my feelings.
I am not obliged to do what I enjoy.
I am not obliged to be the best version of myself.
I am not obliged to take care of my inner child.
I am not obliged to believe it when people say that everything is fine with me.

Sometimes, to make things easier, one can try to accept one’s own non-acceptance. And sometimes that is the most honest thing I can do toward myself.